Today I cried more than my baby boy! I went back to work for the very first time since Grady was born. And yes my day was full of unnecessary, hormonal mommy tears!
I am blessed that my husband and I’s schedules are opposite and he is the main caretaker for our son while I’m at work. It is wonderful time for them to bond! Today Grady did wonderful for daddy! Slept in, took a bottle and a long nap! Meanwhile I was holding back tears while my co workers lovingly asked about my son!
I walked in carrying one of Grady’s blanked to cover myself while I pumped and a co worker asked sweetly if I brought it to remind me of him and to smell it. I started crying and said no but now I’m going to do that! And I smelled it multiple times during my shift. I know, weird mommy. Then a sweet customer had dropped off a gift for my son which brought me to tears again thinking of my sweet boy. Yes I cried and I missed my baby boy terribly but I am so thankful I had caring co workers and an amazing husband to help me get through the day!
The other adventure in returning to work is pumping. Oh boy.
I am dedicated to giving my baby only breast milk until his first birthday. That is my heart’s desire and I am going to do all I can to accomplish this! Nothing against formula fed babies though, as long as the baby is full and happy, my heart is full!
So to do this I have to pump every three hours at work. For anyone who has seen or used a breast pump it is the single most awkward thing I’ve ever experienced. I feel like a cow sometimes. And weird things happen to you when you think about your baby and can’t nurse them. All you nursing moms know what I mean.
My employer is very compliant and flexible with pumping though which helps (there are laws protecting nursing moms to pump as well). It takes a solid 20-30 minutes to pump and the machine makes a constant noise. So I do apologize to those who I work with who feel awkward that they have to walk back and see me draped in a blankie with tubes coming out from underneath and the buzzing of the machine. Its weird, I know. But it is the absolute best thing for my baby!
I know some days at work will be harder than others but the feeling I get when I come home and see my son’s face light up when he sees me is incredible! Our goal is still for me to stay home more with our son but for now I gotta do what I gotta do!
Ps: my dearest husband, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being an amazing father to our son. Thank you for working your cute little tail off so that I don’t have to work full time. Thank you for providing us not only with the necessities but with all the love and affection in the world! Grady lights up when he sees you. I love that he looks so much like you and he reminds me of you each day! Thank you for your heart and the way you love us. And thank you for the silly baby pictures you send me while I’m working! We love you more than you’ll ever know! Xoxo